Samikhsya Bureau
This is the story of the journey of Minu Budhia, mother, psychotherapist, counsellor and founder of Caring Minds and ICanFlyy.
She shared her journey of self-discovery in MCC programme on ‘MCCI-MLF forum on Women Achievers – Showcasing Corporate Success Stories’ held in Kolkata on Friday.
Budhia shared with the audience how her younger daughter Prachi’s ADHD (attention deficit/ hyperactivity disorder), low IQ, and bipolar disorder diagnosis had initially shattered her, but ultimately set her on a path of self-discovery.
Speaking of the challenges, she reiterated the importance of looking beyond stereotypes, not being judgmental and asking for help when one needs it and highlighted the importance of breaking the stigma surrounding mental health by spreading awareness and making mental healthcare easily accessible to all.
Her passion and dream gave birth to Caring Minds, a psychological wellness centre, which she calls her ‘third baby’, and then ICanFlyy, an institute for special needs. Budhia strongly echoes “enable the able” which is the motto of her life and her organisations.
Here’s her inspiring personal account:
I am a blessed individual. I have a warm, encouraging husband, Sanjay, who is the wind beneath my wings, and a kind, supportive family. I have two loving daughters. Preeyam, my elder one, a bright young woman handling Patton family business, she is my friend and my weakness. Prachi, my younger darling, is my strength and my inspiration.
As she turned two, I got Prachi enrolled in the best Montessori in Kolkata. Within a short while, complaints started to pour in. Her school did not realise that she actually needed special help. I could sense that something was not right. Every day became a nightmare for me because of unending complaints. I took her to NIMHANS in Bangalore. After the assessment, the report placed before me shattered my world. It stated that neither is my baby nor abnormal. I went into severe depression and even forgot to ask God, “Why me?”
My husband Sanjay immediately took me to a psychiatrist in Mumbai. I needed more help than my daughter and was put under medication. The doctor tried to assure me that everything will be fine.
I was determined to get Prachi treated. I cut off myself from the world and put all my energy into Prachi. The thought that she would never be independent in her life snatched all sleep from my eyes. I could not accept the truth fully. I travelled with her to Dubai, New York, and where not.
I put her in different schools in the hope of something better. I was living in my own shell, very far from civilisation. My life revolved only around Prachi. I was determined to give her a good education. But I must admit that not for a single day did I stop caring for Preeyam, my elder daughter, and neither did I stop supporting Sanjay in his pursuits.
Slowly, I realised that the first step towards happiness is acceptance and if I wanted to let her grow and make her happy, then I had to be happy first. My mourning period came to an end. This was my last day in my cocoon as a caterpillar. The death of the caterpillar gave birth to a beautiful butterfly. I accepted Prachi the way she is. So what if I have a special child? She is the most precious gift from
God!
It was soon after this, that I remembered that I had a life too. I was a woman who lived before she became a mother, and I owed something to her too. I had to live. Strength for me was not an option that I could choose or forego. I had to appreciate the fact that I was still living and I wanted to live on. Live for Prachi, live for my family and live for myself.
Amidst the shouts and wails of the wife, mother and other social roles that I had, I had completely suffocated the woman in me. I realised that the world worked in strange ways. The weaker you are, the more people would pull you down. Whatever your reality might be, the only way was to embrace it and wear it like armour. I decided to start stepping out of the house without Prachi and started living for myself. And suddenly my days got lighter and easier.
As she turned 12, Prachi started showing symptoms of depression. I could not understand what was happening. I asked her doctor in the USA. Coincidentally, I was also reading a book on bipolar disorder. My sixth sense told me that she was bipolar. I asked the doctor and he confirmed this. I put her on medication with a local doctor.
I am most thankful to my husband who is my pillar of strength. I am ever grateful to Prachi’s caregiver Anita, who is like a godmother to her. Without her, I could not have achieved what I have. With Anita I can share my deepest fears about Prachi.
My special child has a wonderful, understanding and loving sibling – Preeyam, and for that I am very grateful. We’ve never had a formal sit-down or talk, as from the beginning, Preeyam has understood that like I’m a special mom, she’s a special sister with certain responsibilities. God has chosen our roles and we were destined to have our dear Prachi in our lives.
To be able to understand and help Prachi better, I trained further. I did a basic counseling course and cognitive behavior therapy course in London. I became a student counsellor and a psychotherapist at JD Birla and at St. Xaviers College. After two years of training I started practising at the Belle Vue Clinic. During this time, I realized that there was no holistic centre here that was addressing all issues related to the mind.
I wanted to apply the expertise which I gained while training my daughter. I realised that the need of the hour was to have a place which would provide all services related to mental healthcare under one roof.This passion and dream gave birth to Caring Minds — a psychological and cognitive wellness Centre — my third baby!!!
However, at the beginning of our journey, we were shocked to find out that the area where the proposed clinic would be had their residents protesting as they “had objections to mad people coming here everyday. They had gone to court and obtained a stay order. This is the level of ignorance and indifference in the society that people with mentally health challenged are not mad people.
I was devastated. All preparations were done. Staff had been hired and there it was. Everything stalled. Getting into long drawn litigation was not something I wanted. I had a mission to achieve and we had to start operating. We decided to start the initiative from a single room in our house itself. This became the first Caring Minds office. We made way for a desk, chair and other furniture befitting
the place and that’s where we set up shop!
In a matter of some time, we realised that the court case would not see its end and we soon obtained our present premises at Sarat Bose Road.
Accepting yourself, as you are, and being okay with it, is key to living a healthy life. And sometimes we need help and guidance to do this. My entrepreneurial venture, a social initiative in the field of mental healthcare, is there to provide this helping hand. Caring Minds is a one-stop solution for all issues related to psychological growth and well-being. A state-of-the-art facility, here professionals provide their expert services, both clinical and non-clinical aimed at making every person aware and empathetic.
Like Prachi, special needs individuals in Kolkata do not have much to do after they finish their schooling. Envisioning a better, brighter future for her and others like her, I was inspired to establish ICanFlyy – an institute for special needs. As a part of this institute, I also started Café ICanFlyy – a café run by special needs individuals. The idea behind this labour of love was empowerment.
Mental illness can make an appearance any stage of one’s life whether childhood, adolescence, adulthood or old age. It may be genetic or may develop after a trauma. The point is, it could happen to anyone and it should not make you a social pariah.
(With agency input)
